war story
Mariupol, Rivne (Ukraine) - Aug 24, 2025
We are tenderness, we are the starry eternity of love
We are tenderness, we are the starry eternity of love
This is about
Tamara and Józef Nikolchenko
aiWhen a shell hit Maria's apartment that day, fortunately, no one was home.
aiShe and her husband decided to leave Mariupol with their daughter and parents immediately. But the parents were not ready to move. They stayed behind. And they soon realized what a tragic mistake that was.
aiMaria's mother and father, Tamara and Józef Nikolchenko, along with her mother-in-law, Hanna Yaroshevskaya, hid from the bombing in a damp cold basement of a large store. Almost a thousand people were taking refuge there. The ceiling and walls were shaking from explosions. Everyone was afraid that the building would collapse.
aiThe Russian aggressor was wiping Mariupol off the map.
aiAt great risk, Józef left the basement to get food and water. The three drank just 2-3 sips a day and stretched the food he managed to get as best as they could. To avoid getting sick, they smeared their lips with valerian drops – alcohol-based, the only “medicine” they had.
aiThey were trapped. There were no humanitarian corridors back to Ukraine-held territory and going towards Russia was much too dangerous. There was no internet, no communication. The wounded were brought in too, but it was impossible to help them. During the first month and a half in that cramped dank basement, 18 people died.
aiAt last, in mid-April, a kind-hearted colleague of Tamara managed to get them out of Mariupol.
aiFirst Tamara, Josef, and Hanna went to Nikolske, Berdiansk, and Melitopol... still in occupied territory. Finally, in early May they found a driver who agreed to take them to Ukraine-held territory. They had to drive through mined fields because they would have been caught on the roads. The russian invaders would not let anyone pass their checkpoints.
aiThe escape was harrowing and very risky but they made it safely to the city of Zaporizhzhia, still only ~30 kilometres from the front line. Here, Oleksandra, Tamara and Josef's older daughter, met them. How happy she was to see her parents alive! She took them to Poltava where she and her husband were staying temporarily. Kharkiv, their home, came under heavy shelling almost every day.
aiTamara and Józef spent the summer in Poltava, trying to regain their health. Tamara now needed a walker; her back and legs hurt terribly from staying so long in that horrible basement.
And even in the edge of creeping darkness, beyond the circle of death – they did not separate.
aiIn early September, the couple went to Rivne. Despite the profound trauma they endured, they were determined to return to their professional life. Work was their salvation. They resumed the research and teaching they had been doing at the University of Mariupol — this time remotely. The physical university in Mariupol had been destroyed by the russians, and everything was now being run out of Kyiv.
aiIn addition, Józef Nikolchenko, honored professor and scholarship holder of the Cabinet of Ministers of Ukraine, spoke at the Rivne Regional Museum of Local Lore. This is where he began his professional career. He also gave lectures on the history of Ukrainian culture at a “YaMariupol” IDP (Internally Displaced Persons) Support Center — one of 38 across Ukraine, created for Mariupol residents forced to flee their homes and guided by the principle “by Mariupol, for Mariupol."
aiTamara Nikolchenko, philologist and culturologist, helped her husband develop materials and gave additional lectures herself at the “YaMariupol” IDP Support Center. Just when she was preparing the final lecture in her Bible series, she had a stroke. Tamara died soon afterwards. Her husband delivered the lecture instead.
ai
ai_____
ai
ai_____
aiGoing back to the beginning...
aiTamara and Józef both graduated from Kharkiv State University — she from the Faculty of Philology, he from the Faculty of History. That was how their paths first crossed.
aiTamara and Józef both graduated from Kharkiv State University — she from the Faculty of Philology, he from the Faculty of History. That was how their paths first crossed.
aiJózef fell in love with Tamara at first sight. When he won her heart and they married, they moved to his hometown of Rivne. There, for more than 20 years, they worked in educational and cultural institutions. Later, by invitation, they moved to Mariupol State University, where they spent nearly 30 years.
aiIn April 2025, Tamara and Józef celebrated their 55th wedding anniversary. Together they shared both happy and difficult years. In the spring of 2022 they faced their most terrible ordeal which fortunately they survived.
aiBut, the illnesses Tamara came down with while hiding in that icy basement — illnesses her loving husband and doctors fought alongside her for 3 years — finally won out and ended her life.
aiRussian weapons caught up with her in this way. But weapons cannot defeat love. Love defeats all weapons.
ai
ai
ai... When I was sent a music video with photos of my favorite couples, I realized that this famous song was precisely about them.
ai
ai... When I was sent a music video with photos of my favorite couples, I realized that this famous song was precisely about them.
ai
ai“We echo, we echo, we long echo each other.”
ai“And even in the edge of creeping darkness, beyond the circle of death" – they did not separate. He feels that she is with him forever.
ai“We echo, we echo, we long echo each other.”
ai“And even in the edge of creeping darkness, beyond the circle of death" – they did not separate. He feels that she is with him forever.
Tamara Dontsova. Kharkiv. 1970.
Józef Nikolchenko. Kharkiv. 1970.
A wedding photo of the Nikolchenko family. Kharkiv. 1970.
Employees of the Rivne Regional Museum of Local Lore in the open air. The Nikolchenko family is in the center. Rivne region. 1972.
The Nikolchenkos with their eldest daughter Oleksandra. Rivne. 1975.
Daughters Oleksandra and Mariia (left), granddaughters Anastasiia (right) and Vladyslava (center), and great-grandson Bohdan. Mariupol. 2016.
Józef and Tamara Nikolchenko. Mariupol. 2011.
The Nikolchenko family with their relatives. Mariupol. 2011.
Tamara and Józef Nikolchenko. Rivne. Fall of 2022.
Józef Nikolchenko speaks at the opening of an exhibition of art by IDP children from Mariupol. The organizer of the exhibition: Center for Support of IDPs from Mariupol "YaMariupol. Rivne". December 2022.
55 years together.
Tamara Dontsova. Kharkiv. 1970.
Józef Nikolchenko. Kharkiv. 1970.
A wedding photo of the Nikolchenko family. Kharkiv. 1970.
[“To say that it was horrible is an understatement...” The story of Tamara Markivna Nikolchenko]
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